soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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