New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
