At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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