Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
