Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
