3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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