There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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