his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
