you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dear god my vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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