i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize