Christians are straight up FREAKS
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
