Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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