im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
