I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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