Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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