the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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