Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
