she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
