i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
