I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
