just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
