you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
