nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I won the penis lottery.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
