I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
