"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
