She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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