There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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