There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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