Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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