You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
