i just wanna soil my oats bro
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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