So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
