The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
