I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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