before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
