I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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