You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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