Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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