Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
