these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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