she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
