Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
