weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
