Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
