Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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