Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
