Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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