I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
