well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
