dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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