Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
