is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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