I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
