I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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