come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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