This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
