I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
