Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
