i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
