Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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