i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
