This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
