Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
