I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
