I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
