shes about as inviting as chlamydia
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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