i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
