people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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