I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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