i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
