i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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