he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
