I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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