I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He shit in the fireplace
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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