i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
